Saturday, August 21, 2010

Growing up Too fast

Now my little girl is 9 months old. I can not believe that she is already sitting, crawling, and pulling up to stand. This is awesome, but so scary and nerve racking for me. With her pulling up, every time, I see it, I will be right behind her because I do not want her to just let go and fall down. Today she was in the kitchen and pulled up. Right there on the tile. It startled me and I had to go right there and stand behind her just in case she just let go. I did not want her to fall onto the tile, that would have been horrible. I have also started to get all the things down off the tops that she can reach so she will not be tempted to pull it down and put it in her mouth. Every day is something new. Not only is she going through the changes that I mentioned above, she is also teething. We have one tooth that broke through, but now it seems that there are some more coming in and she is letting us know. I know this too shall pass, but I hope it passes quickly. This is where I need to have Matt here. He needs to be here to help me get through this. He was the level headed one and was able to calm me down when things got too stressful for me. I need him to be able to take her and calm her down too. I think that sometimes, not only does the mom or dad need a break for the child, but the child needs a break from the one parent they are around all the time. In this case, that would be me. I know that if Matt was still here, he would be around Avery as much as possible and we may not even need a break because we would be fighting over who would take care of Avery. I know that I would be getting the feedings since I am still nursing, but that would be the only given. I hope that everyone who reads this does not take their significant other for granted. I never would have thought that Matt would have been taken from me so soon. Still I say he had so much to live for and still so much to accomplish. I still can not believe that he is not here. Always tell the ones you love that you love them. Always give a hug when you can and a kiss on the cheek. You never know if that would be the last time you see or talk to them. Matt taught me how to love people more than I did before I knew him. I am so grateful for the friends and family that I have. They have helped me so much since everything happened in January. I would give anything to have Matt back, and I know so many other people that feel the same way, but I know that is not possible. I just need to be patient to be able to see him later, but it is times like these, when Avery is growing up so fast that makes me sad that he is not here to see her accomplish so much. Yes, people will say that he can see her from Heaven, but I want him here to be able to hold her as she braces herself up against the coffee tables right after the pulls herself up. He should be here worrying about her, if she is going to fall and hit her head if she is on the tile. He should be here so that she can hold on to his hands and fingers as she starts to take her first steps with assistance. I am having to wear two hats right now and it is wearing me out. As I type this, I want to say "Thanks a lot for what you have done to my family. Thanks for taking a whole bunch of love and happiness from us and given us this grief and wishing. Now we have to go on and take care of what we need to, but it is not with out pain. There are little things that light up this darkness that I live in, and if it was not for Avery and all the love and joy that she brings me, I do not know how my world would be. One second changed my life forever and 5 seconds would have made a all the difference in the world." I needed to get that out, and for everyone who reads this, please be careful in all that you do...

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