THe Start of it All

Today I decided to start writing a blog just to get things off my chest and maybe what I am going through may help other people in my situation. I was living the American dream. I was married to the love of my life, just given birth to our first child, a daughter, and I was at home on leave from work to get Avery ready to start daycare. My parents had come in town for the weekend to visit and I was going with my Dad to La so that his side of the family could meet Avery for the first time. My husband Matt was going to go duck hunting for the weekend and come back on Sunday so that the dogs would be taken care of when I was away with my father. Friday was my first night at home with Avery by myself. Matt left about 6 that evening to drive out to his friend's house that he was going to hunt with. They were going to head out early Saturday morning. That past Monday I had gone to see my doctor becuase I was having trouble with my milk production for Avery. I was producing too much and my chest was getting too full and I was unable to get the milk out of one side. The doctor gave me some medicine and directions on what to do to get the milk out. I was fighting that all week and I thought it had gotten better until Thursday night Friday morning. When Matt had left the house, I was walking around with a heating pad on my chest trying to get the clogged ducts to loosen up so that I would get some relief with Avery was to nurse again. I was so scared that I was not going to be able to nourish my child because the milk would not come out and Avery was not really happy when it came to eating from a bottle. Around 9 or 10 that night I called Matt very upset. I needed him to calm me down because I was so upset out the milk issue. He was very understanding and was talking me through it. He said he would be home the next day, Saturday if they had a good hunt that morning. I was happy to hear that because since my parents were going to be in town, we were going to take advantage of having a baby sitter and go one a date. Somthing we had not done since before Avery was born, 9 weeks earlier. I made it through the night with Avery happy with a full tummy. All was good in my life.
I had fed Avery a couple of times that Saturday morning and was laying in bed when the phone rang. It was about 10 in the morning and Matt was calling to see if it would be okay if he stayed one more day to hunt. He wanted to stay because he was already out there and this was like the last time he would be able to duck hunt until next season. I was like, do what you want. He was concerned and did ask if I needed help because I had been upset the night before. I told him I always needed help. He laughed and asked if it would be okay for the second day. I did say it was okay, even though I really did want him to come home. I was with Avery the rest of the day and my parents got in town around 5 or 6. This was the reason why Matt knew I would be okay, because my parents would be with me for the weekend. I told them that he decided to stay one more day and my mom said that was what he told her when they had talked earlied. He was going to be back home Sunday afternoon. I told him in the 10 AM conversation that I did not think I was going to be going with my dad because of my milk issues. After talking to my mom once she got to my house, I decided I was going to go. After all, they have doctors in La too in case I needed to go to one. We watched the Saints game, mom fed Avery a bottle and the night was pretty calm.
Sunday morning came around and I was feeding Avery, packing for our trip and saying good bye to my mom. She was going to Beaumont while my dad and I traveled to La with little Avery. My dad had left to go drop my mom off so she could get the rental car to drive to Beaumont and was going to come back to the house and get me. Then the trip would begin. As I was getting things together for the trip the phone rang. It was my father in law, Marvin. The first thing out of his mouth was "Is it true?" I have to ask "is what true?" He mentioned something about a police man going to Matt's uncle's house and then he sid my dad was calling him and he needed to get off the phone. Of course this got me upset so I called the wife of the friend Matt was going hunting with. I told her what Marvin had said and asked her if anything had happened to Matt. She asked me if I was sitting down and if I was alone. I told her I was waiting on my father to get back from dropping off my mom. That is when she told me she was not sure what was going on and that she would call her husband and get back to me. That is when I know something was wrong. Marvin had mentioned something about Matt's uncle and police so I deciced I would call him. I called and he sounded upset when he answered. I told him that Marvin had called, what he said, then I called the wife and what she had said so now I was calling him. He told me there had been an accident that involved Matt. I asked him how bad it was. (I do not remember asking that, but thatis what he told my dad I asked.) He told me that Matt was dead. My whole world had just crashed. I was hold Avery at this time and was not able to control my emotions. Where was my dad, where was my mom, where was my husband. I had no idea if this was a cruel joke, if there had been some mistake. I did not know what was going on and all I could do was cry.