Friday, July 30, 2010

What I think About

At this point, I still can not accept the fact that Matt is dead and it has been over 6 months. Avery is growing up so fast and now Matt is not here to see her and to hold her and to touch her. I do cry a little each day about what has happened. One day it might before for Avery because she will not be able to know her father for her self, just from stories that people have been so nice to write about him. I just start to think of the tings that he was supposed to do with her. He was going to walk her down the aisle when she got married. He is supposed to teach her how to throw a ball, he was a pitcher. He was also supposed to protect her from the guys when she started to date. Sit on the couch, cleaning his gun, he always said, as he asked the guy who was coming to pick her up for a date questions. He needed to intimidate them.
I do not want not having a father to cause Avery to not be the best that she can be. You always hear those stories of children that are messed but and then it comes back to I did not have my mother or father around. Will this be the case for Avery, I always wonder.
I want to, one day, give her a little brother or a little sister, but I do not know if that will ever happen. I can not even think about dating another person now, much less if I would ever get married. The only that I do know is that one day I would like to have another child.
These are the things that I think about that I wish I knew the answer to. I will never know the answer either. Avery will turn out the way she will, but I will never know how she would have been is Matt were here with us.

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