The rest of the week

SO as the week went on, it also got better. I now was able to complete some work and get things done at work. After the first day, I have determined that I need to pump 3 times a day, not 2 like I thought. Never would have thought I would be producing so much milk.
Tuesday I got home and broke down in front of my mom, but she just wiped my tears away and let me vent. Wed, was better. That evening my dad had come into town and he is going to stay through the next week to help me out when my mom goes back to work. Also, that night Avery slept through the night. She went to bed at 9 and woke up at 5 very hungry. Thursday night was the same, but she woke up at 4:30. Still it was good for me, and after she ate, I was able to go back to sleep for a little bit and sleep until 5:15.
Friday, was a busy day and a good day at work. Sat was a good day. Went to meet some family friends for lunch and then went back to their house to visit some more. It was the parents of my friends, so it was nice to be able to catch up with them and my parents enjoyed visiting with then. At one point I did get upset. I was upstairs with Avery feeding her and I could hear the adults downstairs talking, laughing and having a great time. Then it hit me, that is supposed to be me down there in 30 years, visiting with my friends and my husband and catching up and laughing, having a good ole time. I am not going to have that. It makes me feel like an outcast, because every time I am going to get together when my friends from high school or from college, I am going to be the one that is either single, or if I do find somebody to be with, I will be with the one person that no one knows. It will be odd and uncomfortable. I am not sure if I will be able to handle that. The future makes no sense now. I know that I need to be here for Avery, but I just do not want to be. It hurts so much to think about the future and know that Matt will not be there to share the memories with me and all I have are memories now. Nothing new to experience with him. Avery will not have her memories and I think that she will be missing out on one of the best people that she could have have ever met. He would have spoiled her rotten and let her get away with anything, I could already see it coming, just within the first 8 weeks they were able to spend together.
And then today, Sunday, I have been trying to get everything together so that I can file our taxes for 2009. It is going to be so hard to be able to change everything over into my name. Every time I think I have all I need, I stumble onto something else that leads me to search for account information from Matt that I did not know he had. This will be interesting. And it is not easy. Matt handled the finances, I just gave him the information he needed from me and I took care of the house. This is new territory for me and I hope that I can do it correctly.
As for the Valentines day celebration, Matt and I would exchange gifts, but the last two years, I had been out of town on Feb 14th coaching. I know that this is supposed to be a romantic celebration day, but not celebrating it is okay with me. That just continues the tradition from the last two years.